What’s So Great About Humility Anyway?

Why strive for humility when you have no aspiration to be another Mother Theresa?

In the most simple of definitions, humility means modesty or respectfulness. That doesn’t seem like such a hard thing to practice. Most mothers teach their children not to brag, at least to the extent of blowing one’s horn at the deafening assault of another. However, when referencing a higher level of consciousness, humility may seem to be unattainable by the average human.

Dr. Bob kept the humility plaque on his desk, which displays the following reflection.

Humility

Perpetual quietness of heart. It is to have no trouble. It is never to be fretted or vexed, irritable, or sore; to wonder at nothing that is done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised, it is to have a blessed home in myself where I can go and shut the door and kneel to my Father in secret and be at peace, as in a deep sea of calmness when all around and about is seeming trouble.

With these words in mind, it is clear that I don’t know a thing about practicing humility. I don’t think I boast or behave arrogantly so as to tread on others to get what I want, but as I reflect on this higher-level-of-consciousness humility, I discover that I have completely missed the mark.

It is to be at rest when nobody praises me

I have measured my self-worth using the praise I receive from others as my gage. I fell into a nine-to-five depression a couple of years ago. I was hired by a gentleman who had a great business mind. He was full of interesting ideas and always had a challenging project for me to tackle. We had great fun collaborating, and I received many accolades after returning with project in hand, boasting, “Here you go, Mr. Sir. Look what I did.” Being a people pleaser, it was the perfect job. After a year under his tutelage and almost overnight, he became inaccessible. The projects had run dry; and he stopped responding to my messages, emails, and requests for meetings. Unaware that he was journeying through his own personal hell and that my fellow employees were experiencing the same treatment, I thought, “What have I done wrong?” I had nobody to praise me, to pat my head and say, “Good dog.” Although I still possessed and applied the same professional skills, I was not O.K. because nobody was available to confirm such.

I have compared myself to others resulting in a diminished sense of personal value. A couple of years ago, I realized that I was never going to be “the best” at anything. I apply myself with dedicated focus to anything I decide to do, but it never seems to set me apart from any others with whom I share a passion. I began to accept that I would gain neither world notoriety nor riches for my professional craft, athletics or arts. I am just an average person leading a very ordinary life with no distinguishing honors to show for anything. I was saddened by my realization at that time. Based on family history, I still have half my life to live out. To think I had almost given up trying to improve on myself, my skills, and my passions—well—that’s what makes me sad now.

I have given gifts and expected love in return. I am continually maddened when I give presents to my nieces and nephew, and neither parent nor child calls, writes or emails to thank me or even acknowledge that the package has arrived. I can assume one of two things. The kids think the gift was crappy, or the children are not being taught proper manners. I often make the gifts by hand, so maybe that answers the first concern about the gift being crappy. But really, what seven-year-old kid doesn’t want a slumber-party backpack sewn out of overalls and stuffed with overnight games and snacks?! I hear that people are supposed to give without expecting anything in return. I don’t expect anything of monetary value, but I would like to see some form of gratitude for my efforts. When I give a gift in an attempt to continue or build on a relationship, I expect a response in return to validate the relationship. Wrong or right, that’s the way I feel.

To wonder at nothing that is done against me

The word humiliation comes to mind, meaning to be shamed or embarrassed, loss of dignity, and finally…being lessened in pride. When I reflect on times that I have been humiliated, my feelings of shame or embarrassment are always based on my perception of what others think of me. The key words being my perception, which holds neither truth nor fact. Should we then embrace humiliation when it occurs because it brings us closer to pride? No. We should be proactive with a practice in humility, lessening or eliminating the impact an embarrassing moment could potentially have on our experience. In other words, by practicing humility, we can avoid the feelings of humiliation altogether.

When I am blamed or despised

I learned early on that lack of knowledge was shameful, regardless of how insignificant the matter is. I hate being wrong because that means I’m stupid. As a child, I remember my mother and sister taunting me for being ignorant of pop culture. “Did you take your stupid pill today?” My mother would ask when I didn’t know a famous person who was the center of the day’s news gossip. My older sister would continue the mocking, happy to emerge superior to me in intelligence. To this day, I still experience humiliation on many levels when my error is called out. I become defensive. I’m quick to justify or point a finger in another direction.

How does one practice humility?

Embrace the feeling of inadequacy. The belief that “I am not enough” is a common thread amongst most humans. When you are feeling less talented, less intelligent, less beautiful, less whatever, get warm and fuzzy about that in which you are lacking. When you focus negatively on your challenges, you allow your shortcomings to frame your perception of who you are, when in fact, overcoming challenges helps you develop character. Give that negative power a drop-kick by giving gratitude for your shortcomings.

Practice gratitude for those skills and abilities that you do possess. Do not boast about these assets, but rather recognize them as a blessing that was given to you.

See your self as part of a team, where diversity is celebrated and where all members have unique contributions. You, yourself, have something distinctive to offer to complete the team. It is in these unique offerings that we grow and learn from one another.

Speaking of learning, be willing to learn. When you give pride the old heave-ho, it is easier to admit that you do not know everything. In the absence of pride, we can admit that we don’t know everything, and realize that there is no shame in the lack of omniscience.

Give generously and anonymously. Selfish mind and actions create anxiety. Alcoholism is often referred to “the disease of more.” When you live in a world where you can never get “enough,” you may never find the satisfaction of being fulfilled. But when your practice acts of generosity, without the expectation of recognition, one may be fulfilled by a sense of kinship through community.

Avoid humiliation by removing yourself from your pride. Rather than become embarrassed or offended, you can choose to view an event as a series of facts that occurred, free of judgments, reducing or even eliminating the shame.

What’s so great about humility anyway?

“Humility is the only true wisdom by which we prepare our minds for all the possible changes of life.”
-George Arliss, the first British actor to win an Academy Award

It’s not about being perfect although you might find a clearer path to integrity. Perhaps it’s about relieving yourself of the burdens of pride. Without pride we are able to go forth without fear of what others will think of us. In reality, we are able to go forth without fear of our perception of what others will think of us. Ultimately this opens us up to growth and positive change.

When we practice humility, we reduce feelings of insecurity or self-consciousness, bringing us to a more genuine state of awareness and allowing us to interact more honestly with each other. Not to mention, we might gain a perpetual quietness of heart.